Now What??

I've just recently found myself laid off. It wasn't a huge surprise, business was extremely slow. In the last month or so I spent the majority of my time at work trying to look busy because there simply wasn't a lot to do. The other thing is I've only been working at this place since October. So this was not a life long career, by any means. Still, I was a little sad because I really enjoyed my time there. I had planned to stay there for as long as they'd have me and possibly advance to higher positions. Maybe it could have been a life long career. Who knows. I do know it was the first job I had since my son was born that I didn't despise, I felt at least somewhat fulfilled, and I felt like I could talk about it at parties without being embarrassed by it.

So here I am, unemployed and I'm faced with the question, now what? I hate looking for a job because it's such a harsh reminder of how ill-prepared I am for life. I went from child actor, to teen actor, to theatre student to stay-at-home mom.

I hate working on my resume because I've never really had a real job. I have to sit down and try to make my various retail, temp and food service jobs sound like they mean something. And try to act like my unfinished education in a very specific and impractical field prepared me for anything besides writing, directing, designing, lighting and starring in a one woman show about my life.

The minute I find myself without a job, I can't help to think this is my chance. A golden opportunity. My chance to finally catch my big break, to move back to my original plans, to run away and join the circus. I immediately start looking for auditions, start writing a stand-up act, start practising audition songs in my car. I try to brain storm any way to bring in money doing what feels like the most natural thing in the world to me. The only thing I know how to do. It never pans out though because all of those things take time and none of them pay for child care.

The most important thing in my life is my family and my child. I can't properly function on a day to day basis until off of his needs have been met. His needs are first, his food is first, his comfort is first, is entertainment/enjoyment is first, his happiness is first, his shower is first. This is my duty, my purpose and my joy. Those of you with kids, I'm sure, can relate. However, at what cost does this come? Where did I go in all this?

I used to be cool and I used to be really funny. Now I'm Jude's mom. It's the Jude Show now. Now he's cool and funny.

I guess this blog is my attempt to get back in touch with the Erin Show. Also my attempt to reach out to anyone who wants to hear what I might have to rant about. I have a lot of stuff to talk about and I happen to find myself fascinating, I hope you agree.